Nunca olvidare el 23 de Mayo.

En este dia yo vi Muerte.  Yo vi dolor.  Yo senti desperacion.  Yo senti Miedo.

Afuera de mi oficina una nina estuve golpeada por un combi.

Me dio cuenta que algo estaba ocurriendo cuando mi jefe corrio por la puerta y me llamo para acompanarse.  Este era 2-3 minutes despues del choque.

La nina era abajo del combi, y ella estaba inmovil.  Tuvo 3 o 4 anos.  No habia mucho sangre, no habia gritos, lagrimas, ni senales de dolor.  No habia respiraciones.  Ella estaba inmovil.

Habia un multitud incluso la mama y el papa.  El multitud estaba gritando y llorando, pero ella no.

Cuando yo llegue yo senti miedo - yo no estaba esperando algo como este.  Pero, nadie espera a estes.  Yo estaba el person con lo mas experiencia, pero como pude ser encargado?  Cuando el papa arrastro su hija desde abajo el combi, justo segundos despues yo llegue, y empezo a correr a la posta, yo pense "Gracias a Dios no sere encargado, no tendre este responsibilidad."

Despues no mas que un cuarto de un segundo, yo pense "STEWART! TU SABES QUE TIENES QUE HACER! MUEVETE!"

Yo corri.

En la Plaza de armas yo convenci el papa a darme su hija.  Ella no tuvo un pulso, no estaba respirando.  Yo grite por ayuda, por un ambulencia, por un coche para traernos a la posta.  Yo respire para ella.  Yo lati para su corazon.  El multitud ha seguido pero no pude oir su gritas.  Yo oi la silencia de su respiracion, yo senti la absensia de su pulso.

Llegamos a la posta y los doctores encontraron la fractura en su craneo y sabian que ya ella era muerta. Pudimos hacer nada.

La primera cosa que tengo que contarte es que yo conozco que el dolor que yo siento es incomperable a el dolor de los padres.  No puedo entenderlo.  Es imposible.

Entonces,  voy a hablar solo sobre lo que yo entiendo: lo que yo siento yo mismo.

Yo aprendi el poder de empatia.  Mientras esta emocion es talvez el peor en todo el mundo, yo aprendi a apreciar el poder de las relaciones humanas.  Empatia te hace sentir lo que los demas estan sintiendo.  No es maravilloso que nosotros, los humanos, estan hechos para sentir por los demas?

Yo aprendi que miedo puede paralizarte, o dar lugar a malas decisiones.  Mas, yo lo experimente.  Sin embargo, yo aprendi como reemplezar y controlar miedo y confiar en experiencia, como actuar a pesar de miedo, y que un persona que esta en el control de su miedo puede ser el lider de un aterrorizado multitude .

Yo aprendi que afuera del contexto de mejores amigos y matrimonios, la pregunta "estas bien?" usualmente va a tener la respuesta "si," aunque si es una mentira.  Casi nadie quiere compartir tristeza o dolor con los demas.  Ya se que es important a tener alguien con que puede hablar, con quien puede compartir tus cargas, pero este discucion tiene dos lados.  Yo aprendi, y experimente, como dificil es a contestar a esta pregunta con la verdad.  Entonces, en vez de la pregunta "estas bien," voy a ser proactivo.  Voy a dar tiempo.  Tiempo es la moneda universal: Nosotros siempre la estamos gastando, no podemos ganar mas o recuperar despues la hemos gastado, y por eso cada person sabe al valor de tiempo.  Cada persona siente el valor de tiempo.  Claro algunas personas van a querran a estar solo, pero yo creo que tienes que empazar con dando tiempo.  Despues tu puedes preguntar "quieres estar solo?" y creo que si la person quiere estar solo este pregunta es mas facil a contestar con la verdad que la otra.

Si tu no sabes que debes decir, no te preocupes.  Abrazos, o simplemente tu tiempo y presencia son sufficiente.  Cuando tu estas dando tiempo yo puedo sentir que te preocupas por mí.

Yo estoy recordado que este munde es hecho de los acciones pequenos de 7 billon personas.  Porque cada uno de nosotros puede hacer nuestras propias decisiones, el mundo es lleno de cosas hermosas pero en el mismo tiempo cosas terribles.  Es un caos bonito, en que solo puedes controlar tus propias acciones.  Entonces, debes controlarlas bien.

Por fin, por favor, oren o piensen por la familia de esta nina.  Oren o piensen por las familas en todo el mundo quien tienen dolores tan fuerte que todo el mundo lloraria con ellos si puede saber que esta pasando. Y por su puesto, como siempre, piensen en "que tienes que hacer."

Amor
Amen
Siempre

Stewart

____________________________________________________


I will never forget May 23.

On this day I saw Death. I saw pain. I felt desperation. I felt fear.

Outside of my office a girl was hit by a van.

I realized something was happening when my boss ran out the door and called me to accompany her. This was 2-3 minutes after the crash.

The girl was below the combi (a taxi van), and she was still. She was 3 or 4 years old. There was not much blood, there were no screaming, tears, or signs of pain. There was no breathing. She was motionless.

There was a crowd including the mom and dad. The crowd was screaming and crying, but she was not.

When I arrived I felt fear - I was not expecting something like this. But no one expects this. I was the person with the most experience, but how could I be in charge? When the father dragged his daughter from below the combi, just seconds after I arrived, and started running to the clinic, I thought "Thank God I will not be in charge, I will not have this responsibility."

After no more than a quarter of a second, I thought "STEWART! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO! MOVE!"

I ran.

In the main square I convinced the father to give me his daughter. She had no pulse, was not breathing. I cried for help, for ambulance, for a car to bring us to the clinic. I breathed for her. I beat for her heart. The crowd has followed but I could not hear their screams. I heard the silence of her breath, I felt the absence of her pulse.

We got to the clinic and the doctors found the fracture in her skull and knew that she was already dead. We could do nothing.

The first thing I have to tell you that I know the pain I feel is pain incomparable to that of her parents. I can not understand it. It is impossible.

Therefor, I will talk only about what I understand: what I feel myself.

I learned the power of empathy. While this emotion is perhaps the worst in the world, I learned to appreciate the power of human relationships. Empathy makes you feel what others are feeling. Is not it wonderful that we, humans, are made to feel for others?

I learned that fear can paralyze, or lead to bad decisions.  I experienced it. However, I learned how to replace and control fear, to trust my experience, how to act in spite of fear, and that a person who is in control of his fear can be the leader of a terrified multitude.  I think that someone without fear is a fool who cannot appreciate the gravity or seriousness of a situation, so a true mark of courage is not found in the absence of fear but in how fear is handled and what actions come despite, or perhaps because of, the existence of fear.  I dont want to be without fear, but I do want to be better and better able to handle (and importantly, interpret)  fear when it comes.   I feel that the experiences of the 23rd showed me not that I should be ashamed of my initial reaction (I find it justifiable given my 8 month leave of absence for the world of clinical medicine, and I am proud of my recollection, my determination and my leadership in the situation after my first quarter second), but it did show me that I am not yet where I want to be.  I have more to learn, like always.  I have more to practice, like always.  I know how I want to react to these situations - and trust me - I will get there.  To be the person you want to be you only must act like that person, and with practice and diligence I will get to where I want to be.

I learned that outside the context of best friends and marriages, the question "are you okay?" will usually have the answer "yes," even if it is a lie. Hardly anyone wants to share sadness or pain with others. I know it's important to have someone you can talk to, who can share your burdens, but this discussion has two sides. I learned, and experienced, how difficult it is to answer this question truthfully. Therefor, instead of the question "are you okay," I will be proactive. I will give my time. Time is the universal currency: We always are spending it, we can never gain more or recover it after we have spent it, and so each person knows the value of time. Everyone feels the value of time. Sure some people will will want to be alone, but I think you have to start with giving time. Then you can ask "do you want to be alone?" and I think if the person wants to be alone this question is easier to answer with the truth than the other.

If you do not know you should say, do not worry. Hugs, or just your time and presence are sufficient  When you're giving me your time I can feel that you care about me.

I am reminded that this world is made of the small actions of 7 billion people. Because each of us can make our own decisions, the world is full of beautiful things but at the same time terrible things. Actions add up in unexpected ways.  It's a beautiful chaos, in which you can only control your own actions. Therefor, you should control them well.

I broke my computer just hours before this happened.  There is nothing like a human life to remind you how trivial material possessions are.

Finally, and most importantly, please pray for or think on the family of this girl. Pray for or think on the worldwide families who have pain so powerful that everyone would weep with them if we know what was happening. Try to learn about what is happening - some of it is more than the unfortunate addition of unrelated actions.  Some of this pain is systematic.  Maybe some have a repeating, changeable cause.  Maybe some have a repeating cause that you can start to change.

"What then must I do."

Love
Love
Always

Stewart