45. Letter to my class

Hello friends.

As match day draws near it brings with it a chilling certainty of separation.  However, I would like to impress upon you that this separation need be only of proximity.  This, dear friends, is incredibly important to me not because of the fear of lost friends but because this fact means that we can continue those relationships which have changed us the most.  

Looking back on our four years I have discovered one overwhelming truth: for me, the most important part of medical school was, and still is, you.  All of you, really.  I am daily astounded by the uncanny collection of extraordinary people with whom I was somehow blessed to spend these formative days.  Part of this feeling stems from the closely held belief that humans are at their best and most powerful in the context of relationships and interactions, because through these we change each other and thus, slowly but inevitably, the world.  It is the inevitable, universal, and incredibly powerful byproduct of human interaction: the “power of effect.”  Through tens of thousands of interactions during our years together - miniscule or grandiose, personal or public, felt or merely observed - we have been changed by each other.  As such I feel personally indebted to each of you in a way I can never fully express.  From you I have learned, whether you tried to teach or not, and by you I have been changed, whether you intended it or not.  I would not trade these collected experiences for the world: I have no doubt that because of you I will leave this school a better person than when I entered.

That was the introduction.  :)  Stick with me.

I write this letter with two things in mind.

1) I want to be with you all on this important day, somehow.  I want to grasp those last few straws of interaction and effect while they are so readily available.  The fact is, this day signaling departure reminds me of how much I want to strengthen those bonds that have so shaped me.  I choose to seek out you incredible people and attempt to capture yet more of that desirable influence while I can.

2) In keeping with my belief that once you recognize the power of effect inherent in all interaction you must intentionally use that power to better your sphere of influence, I write in an attempt share a notion that is currently shaping me so that we all might be shaped by it together.

Over the last four years I have ended every email with an exhortation to "Love, always."  I think it is about time I explain what I mean.

To me, "Love" is an action verb.  It demands that we choose one set of actions over another when presented with certain situations.  To me, the simplest expression of this choice is "to give or not to give."  Specifically, I believe that "to love" means to choose to give of what you have to those who lack.  This, of course, encompasses much more than material possessions.

For example, we all have some measure of time.  We have skills, knowledge, and understanding that much of the world lacks.  We have food, faith, effort, strength, voice, and influence.  We have wisdom and advice gathered from past failings or present mentors, and can give the truth, trust, and respect.  We have resources to plumb and friends to call upon.  We may only have space on a couch.  The fact is we all have something from which we can give, and thus with which we can love.

To (loosely) quote perhaps the best known treatment of love (found in I Corinthians 13:4-8): We all possess the ability to be patient.  Love means "giving" (read: responding with) patience to those who are impatient or to those infuriating situations or relationships which we desperately want to quit.  It means giving kindness to cruelty.  We must give our gift of slowness to anger to frustrating people and situations.   When faced with the success of others we give support and encouragement in place of jealousy and envy.  We give concern for the wellbeing of others to those who cannot care for themselves.  We give honesty to those who know only lies.  We can choose to live simply in order to give more to those who are forced to live simply.  We have the remarkable power to offer forgiveness before it is asked for.  We can give peace to the distraught through our simple presence.  We can use any and all resources to give protection to the weak and vulnerable, from money to muscle to words.  We can give our perseverance to those who want to quit, our hope to those who feel they are not worth it, and our trust to all whose who have not earned it but have not yet lost it. Further, we can give opportunities to earn it back.

I say all this not because you have failed to love.  Far from it.  I say this because I know that we can all do it better.  Myself very much included. We can love more often.  More thoroughly.  If we honestly look for opportunities to love (read: to give), we will soon be overwhelmed with the joy of service.  It is a good kind of overwhelmed. This principle of actively seeking opportunities to give is what I am attempting to let take hold of me and what I hope will take hold of you.  To do so I daily pray that the mantra "what am I able to give?” is burned into my consciousness.  If this question pierces us as we walk day to day and we answer both honestly and actively, I shudder to think how wonderful this world would become.

Ability, of course, includes limits as well.  Obviously it includes honest assessment of resources, but one cannot forget fear, anxiety, or unease with the situation in the math.  These are real limits, and everyone will push themselves to different levels.  I say this to illustrate that this reading of Love is not a fairytale or impossibly idealistic.  Rather, it is imperatively realistic, if given effort and the time of day.  If honest, intentional, and perhaps a bit challenging to ourselves, I believe we will find ourselves more able than we can currently imagine.

Therefore, I have a request.

As we graduate we will take the Hippocratic Oath, which will guide our steps as doctors.  I here ask for something more.  I ask us to recognize that Love is an imperative of humanity.  I ask us to take what I will call the Human Oath, which will guide our steps as humans:

"I commit to consistently ask the admittedly tough question 'what am I able to give?' and I commit to act on the honest response."

Finally, and at the least, I hope that you all become conscious of how powerfully you can affect those around you with even the most off-handed word or deed, and that you would then intentionally and actively use this power to enact waves of good in your world.  Think about your actions and the effect they have, for they can be very, very sticky.  It could be as simple as repeating the above to your family, your friends, even your enemies.  God knows we all need repetition before something sticks.

In any case, I hope and pray for the best for you all. I hope I will feel your presence in my life again, whether we find ourselves geographically together or not.  We will not lose each other if we try, and your relationships here are worth holding onto.

Love.
Always.

Stewart